I
was browsing my Facebook feed this morning and I came across the talk
'The Marriage Decision' by President Spencer W. Kimball that someone had
posted along with a quote from the talk and some very insightful
questions.
****
The Quote: Spencer W. Kimball: "Recently I met a young returned missionary who is 35 years old. He had been home from his mission for 14 years and yet he was little concerned about his bachelorhood, and laughed about it.
I shall feel sorry for this young man when the day comes that he faces the Great Judge at the throne and when the Lord asks this boy: 'Where is your wife?' All of his excuses which he gave to his fellows on earth will seem very light and senseless when he answers the Judge. “I was very busy,” or “I felt I should get my education first,” or “I did not find the right girl”—such answers will be hollow and of little avail."
****
The Questions:
1. If someone in your church is single and content, do you feel sorry for them?
2. If someone in your church delays marriage to pursue their education or they haven't found the right person, are they sinning?
3. Are LDS singles pressured to marry and to marry early?
****
I thought about the questions and decided to provide a personal response to each of them:
Answer to Question # 1:
In my defense, I am certainly not content being single, but I am not going sit around and moon over it because that only wastes energy and time I can be using to develop myself temporally and spiritually in ways that will benefit a marriage once the opportunity comes.
I am perfectly aware of the fact that people feel sorry for me being single and they have gone as far as to ask me why or if I am sure I want to get married in the temple, to which I reply in the affirmative.
I am socializing as much as possible and the right one either hasn't yet made an appearance,hasn't felt prompted to make an appearance, or has been prompted to make an appearance and is ignoring it because they know of me and have the attitude of "anyone but her" and I can only pray for myself and my blessings; I cannot control the agency of another, nor do I want to. I want someone to love me because they want to and not because they feel obligated to.
Answer to Question # 2:
I never delayed marriage to pursue education or a mission because I went and got my Journalism diploma right after high school from 2005 to 2007, I did a 12-month mission from 2013 to 2014, and pursued education in the fields of Pathways and Administrative Assistant from 2015 to 2017 after much prayer and observing the Lord's hand guiding me in that direction.
I had a unique mission in which dating was allowed, but I prayed about it and felt it was right to focus on my mission and not have distractions during that time even if others thought that weird. I have also spent many years since I was 18 serving as financial, spiritual, and emotional support for my family because my dad was an alcoholic and a heavy smoker and spent his money to feed his habits while ignoring and/or abusing his family every chance he got, even when we tried to take vacations and act like a normal family. My birth dad died in October 2014 after being diagnosed in July 2014 and I helped a great deal and I took care of my mom until January 2016, which is when she married a wonderful priesthood holder who is capable of taking care of her in all the ways that she deserves.
I have since had counseling to help myself become who I would want to bring into a relationship and marriage and I am also constantly educating myself on how to function in a relationship so that it can progress in a healthy manner when the opportunity comes along. I had also worried a great deal about introducing a relationship and marriage into those circumstances because the family circumstances would have proved damaging to the whole process and I am now grateful that that part of my life didn't happen while my dad was alive; it can now happen and there won't be any concerns.
If people think I am a sinner for following the spirit and not jumping into what would have been a disaster at that time, you have your right to an opinion, but why don't you walk in my shoes for the same amount of years I had to before you offer any sort of opinion?
Answer to Question # 3:
I think singles are put under pressure by their parents and/or influences around them that make them feel like they are bad people if they don't do things in a specific order regardless of what the Spirit may say to them.
Everyone has different times in their lives that it is right for them to do different things, but they fold to pressure and end up doing things before they might actually be ready to do them. For some, it works out and they end up happy; for others, however, the pressure becomes too much and they end up unhappy or choosing to make bad decisions out of frustration that they were pushed into things they didn't want to do or wanted to wait to do.
People need to learn and love who they are before they get involved with making themselves and their lives part of another person's existence. Parents need to stop having cows over the fact that not everyone wants to do things in a specific order in their lives and simply be grateful when their children make decisions that will help them develop into good people.
Not everyone gets married young, not everyone serves a mission right away or even at all, not everyone gets married right after their mission, not everyone wants to follow the plan that people set out for them. It makes more sense to learn how to follow the Spirit and use its guidance to learn what the plan is for your life than to let others dictate your life.
Acting according to the Spirit is acting for yourselves and letting others dictate your movements in life is letting others act upon you and mess with your agency. We cannot listen to more than one influential voice at a time, so we need to decide what voice is most important to us and follow it even if other voices protest. The Spirit of God will motivate us to do good and those who can understand that are our true supporters and will help us be able to do that. Those who want their own way will ignore the Spirit that they might feel in favor of being in control.
****
The Quote: Spencer W. Kimball: "Recently I met a young returned missionary who is 35 years old. He had been home from his mission for 14 years and yet he was little concerned about his bachelorhood, and laughed about it.
I shall feel sorry for this young man when the day comes that he faces the Great Judge at the throne and when the Lord asks this boy: 'Where is your wife?' All of his excuses which he gave to his fellows on earth will seem very light and senseless when he answers the Judge. “I was very busy,” or “I felt I should get my education first,” or “I did not find the right girl”—such answers will be hollow and of little avail."
****
The Questions:
1. If someone in your church is single and content, do you feel sorry for them?
2. If someone in your church delays marriage to pursue their education or they haven't found the right person, are they sinning?
3. Are LDS singles pressured to marry and to marry early?
****
I thought about the questions and decided to provide a personal response to each of them:
Answer to Question # 1:
In my defense, I am certainly not content being single, but I am not going sit around and moon over it because that only wastes energy and time I can be using to develop myself temporally and spiritually in ways that will benefit a marriage once the opportunity comes.
I am perfectly aware of the fact that people feel sorry for me being single and they have gone as far as to ask me why or if I am sure I want to get married in the temple, to which I reply in the affirmative.
I am socializing as much as possible and the right one either hasn't yet made an appearance,hasn't felt prompted to make an appearance, or has been prompted to make an appearance and is ignoring it because they know of me and have the attitude of "anyone but her" and I can only pray for myself and my blessings; I cannot control the agency of another, nor do I want to. I want someone to love me because they want to and not because they feel obligated to.
Answer to Question # 2:
I never delayed marriage to pursue education or a mission because I went and got my Journalism diploma right after high school from 2005 to 2007, I did a 12-month mission from 2013 to 2014, and pursued education in the fields of Pathways and Administrative Assistant from 2015 to 2017 after much prayer and observing the Lord's hand guiding me in that direction.
I had a unique mission in which dating was allowed, but I prayed about it and felt it was right to focus on my mission and not have distractions during that time even if others thought that weird. I have also spent many years since I was 18 serving as financial, spiritual, and emotional support for my family because my dad was an alcoholic and a heavy smoker and spent his money to feed his habits while ignoring and/or abusing his family every chance he got, even when we tried to take vacations and act like a normal family. My birth dad died in October 2014 after being diagnosed in July 2014 and I helped a great deal and I took care of my mom until January 2016, which is when she married a wonderful priesthood holder who is capable of taking care of her in all the ways that she deserves.
I have since had counseling to help myself become who I would want to bring into a relationship and marriage and I am also constantly educating myself on how to function in a relationship so that it can progress in a healthy manner when the opportunity comes along. I had also worried a great deal about introducing a relationship and marriage into those circumstances because the family circumstances would have proved damaging to the whole process and I am now grateful that that part of my life didn't happen while my dad was alive; it can now happen and there won't be any concerns.
If people think I am a sinner for following the spirit and not jumping into what would have been a disaster at that time, you have your right to an opinion, but why don't you walk in my shoes for the same amount of years I had to before you offer any sort of opinion?
Answer to Question # 3:
I think singles are put under pressure by their parents and/or influences around them that make them feel like they are bad people if they don't do things in a specific order regardless of what the Spirit may say to them.
Everyone has different times in their lives that it is right for them to do different things, but they fold to pressure and end up doing things before they might actually be ready to do them. For some, it works out and they end up happy; for others, however, the pressure becomes too much and they end up unhappy or choosing to make bad decisions out of frustration that they were pushed into things they didn't want to do or wanted to wait to do.
People need to learn and love who they are before they get involved with making themselves and their lives part of another person's existence. Parents need to stop having cows over the fact that not everyone wants to do things in a specific order in their lives and simply be grateful when their children make decisions that will help them develop into good people.
Not everyone gets married young, not everyone serves a mission right away or even at all, not everyone gets married right after their mission, not everyone wants to follow the plan that people set out for them. It makes more sense to learn how to follow the Spirit and use its guidance to learn what the plan is for your life than to let others dictate your life.
Acting according to the Spirit is acting for yourselves and letting others dictate your movements in life is letting others act upon you and mess with your agency. We cannot listen to more than one influential voice at a time, so we need to decide what voice is most important to us and follow it even if other voices protest. The Spirit of God will motivate us to do good and those who can understand that are our true supporters and will help us be able to do that. Those who want their own way will ignore the Spirit that they might feel in favor of being in control.
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